We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
