I have demons in me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
