how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
