i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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