i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
