I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He passed out mid-signature
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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