My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
