really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
