Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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