we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize