i jhust puked up my retainher.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
