i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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