is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
