Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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