looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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