so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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