he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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