Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
