Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
two words: eviction party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
