just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
