If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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