Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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