areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
