i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
