he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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