You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
