Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
