i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
