her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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