Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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