After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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