im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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