Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
