My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
