Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
