I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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