so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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