she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
