I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
