My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
