i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
