no, he came in my armpit
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
