based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
