let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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