whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
