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just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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