yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl