I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...