It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.