Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.