I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
