we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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