he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
