we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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