Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
