He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
