I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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