Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
