Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
