Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
