i just had sex bonerless
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
