i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
