you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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