please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i now understand why vodka
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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