so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
