He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
