just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had to cum in my sink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
