I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
