I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Two words: blizzard sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
